The Bench Is a Place, Not an Identity How to Handle Being Benched
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[00:00:00] Welcome to the SLAPYOUniversity Podcast, where athletes, parents, and coaches come to learn the game, challenge their mindset, and elevate their approach. I'm India Chiles, co-founder of SLAPYOUniversity, and alongside my co-founder, Ashley Chu, we're here to share the lessons, experiences, and strategies we've learned from playing, coaching, and teaching this game.
Because at SLAPYOUniversity, we believe the best investments you can make is in you. Let's get into it If you were playing college softball, there's a good chance you were one of the best players on every team you played for before you arrived on campus. You were probably a star in high school. If you were a star in high school, you were likely a star in middle school and little league too. Then you arrive at college, and suddenly everybody around you was a star too.
And for perhaps the first time in your career, you run the risk of sitting on the bench. Maybe it happens at the beginning of your career while you adjust to the college game, [00:01:00] maybe it happens later because another player earns the position, your performance changes, or your team needs something different.
Regardless of when it happens, being benched is hard. You're competitive, you've invested years of your life in this sport. You are still attending every practice, every workout, every meeting, and every team event. But when game day arrives, you may not know whether you'll get that opportunity. So how do you handle that?
My biggest advice is this: make something good out of what currently feels bad. Being on the bench is not automatically a bad thing if you use that experience to fuel you in the right way. That doesn't mean you have to pretend it feels good. It doesn't mean you should stop wanting to play.
It means you cannot allow your current role to destroy your mindset, your development, or your value to the team
Start with the glass half full. The first thing you must do is remain [00:02:00] glass half full instead of glass half empty. You are on the bench, but you are still on the team. You earned a place in that program, and because you're on that team, you bring value to it. Your current role may not be the role you ultimately want, but that doesn't make you unimportant.
You have to control what you can control, beginning with your mindset. If all your mental energy is focused on what is wrong, your situation is not going to improve. You begin thinking, "I'm probably not gonna play today. Why am I doing all of this work just to sit during the game? Coach doesn't like me. My team doesn't think I'm good enough.
Maybe I don't belong here." Those thoughts do not prepare you for an opportunity. They pull you further away from it. You might eventually get inserted into the game, but if you've spent days or weeks filling your mind with negativity, that energy will follow you onto the field. So now, instead of competing freely, [00:03:00] you go out there tense.
You finally receive what you wanted, the chance to play, but you're no longer playing to help your team win. You're playing defensively, trying not to make a mistake that could send you back to the bench. Your original thought was, "Coach probably won't play me." Once you enter the game, it becomes, "I hope I perform well enough that coach doesn't take me out."
That is still fear. It has simply taken a different form. Trust me, I've been there. Think about your mindset as a marble jar. Every thought, habit, practice, repetition, and interaction adds something to that jar. You can fill it with positive marbles. "I'm still developing. I can help my team today. I'm gonna prepare as if my opportunity is coming.
I'm gonna learn something during this game. I will be ready when my name is called." Or you can fill it with negative ones. "I'm never gonna play. [00:04:00] This work is pointless. Coach has already made up their mind. The starter is the reason I'm not playing. I don't wanna be here." You cannot spend weeks filling your jar with negativity and then expect to reach inside and suddenly pull out confidence when the coach calls your name.
Unlike math, two negatives do not create a positive here. You might produce one good moment. Athletic ability may carry you through one play or one at bat or even one game, but consistent, confident performance is difficult when fear, resentment, and self-doubt have taken over the space between your ears.
Your thoughts do not guarantee playing time, but they influence whether you will be ready for it. Instead of repeatedly asking, "Why am I not playing?" Start asking this, "How can I help my team today?" That is where your mind should be in any team sport, regardless of your role.
This doesn't mean you have to become [00:05:00] an over-the-top cheerleader or pretend that sitting on the bench is your dream. There are so many meaningful ways the bench contributes to winning. Are you studying the game? Are you watching the opposing pitcher closely enough to recognize patterns that you could share with your team?
Are you identifying defensive shifts that players on the field may not see? Are you tracking how the defense responds in certain counts and situations? Are you noticing how the umpire is calling the zone? Are you communicating useful information to your teammates? From the bench, you have a view of the game that the athletes on the field don't always have.
Use it. You can become a more intelligent player while sitting there. You can also demonstrate leadership that can't always be measured in a statistic. So you're not only trying to become a better player for yourself, you're helping your team become better too.
Being a good teammate does not replace the need to improve. You still have to find ways to get better because sulking will keep you exactly where you [00:06:00] are or cause you to regress. Your development may not always include many in-game repetitions right now, but you still have to practice repetitions. You still have workouts, individual work, film, conversations, and opportunities to grow your softball IQ.
Treat those opportunities seriously. Do not practice like someone who expects to remain on the bench. Practice like someone preparing to handle a meaningful moment. That means you cannot use your role as an excuse to coast through practice. If anything, your practice repetitions matter even more because they may be the primary evidence your coaches have when deciding whether you're ready.
Create a development plan. What specifically needs to improve here? Is it your offense? Is it your defense, your speed, your strength, your consistency, communication, decision-making, confidence? Do not settle for the vague conclusion that the coach simply doesn't like you. That explanation gives you nothing productive to work on.[00:07:00]
Identify something measurable and attack it
At an appropriate time, have a mature conversation with your coach. Do not begin with, "Why aren't you playing me?" Instead, try this. What are the two or three most important things I need to improve to earn an opportunity? Then listen. You may not agree with every part of the response.
Some feedback may be difficult to hear, but the purpose of the conversation is to gain clarity, not win an argument. And then ask follow-up questions when it makes sense. What would improvement look like to you? How can I demonstrate that consistently? Is there another role I can prepare for that would help the team?
Once you receive the feedback, it's your responsibility to do something with it. If you repeatedly ask what you need to improve but do not apply the answer, those conversations lose their value Another difficult part of sitting is watching someone else perform in the position you want.
It's [00:08:00] easy to compare yourself to that player, and it's even easier to begin quietly hoping that she struggles, so you can receive your opportunity. But be careful because her success is not a personal attack against you. She is also trying to earn and maintain her role. You can compete for the same position and still support one another as teammates.
You don't have to surrender your ambition. You should continue believing you can earn that role, but resentment will drain energy you need for your own preparation. Study what the current starter does well, learn from it, and identify what you can offer that might be different. Continue preparing yourself without making a teammate your enemy.
You also need to pay attention to the people you speak with when you're frustrated. Sometimes you need to be heard. There's nothing wrong with saying, "This is hard," or admitting that you're disappointed. But there is a difference between having a safe place to process your emotions and having a circle that helps you remain stuck in [00:09:00] them.
If everyone around you immediately agrees that the coach is wrong, the program's unfair, and none of this is your responsibility, they may temporarily make you feel better, but they won't be helping you move forward. You need people who can listen with empathy and still tell you the truth. Sometimes you need a parent, a friend, a teammate, a former coach, or a mentor who will say, "Hey, I understand why you're hurt.
Now, what are you gonna do about it?" You need people who will help place positive marbles back into your jar, not people who continually add fear, resentment, and blame. Parents, this matters for you too. Your athlete may call you immediately after the game, emotional and frustrated. Listen. Love them. Allow them to feel what they feel, but do not help them build an identity around being wronged.
Help them return to what they can control. Encourage mature communication, continued [00:10:00] preparation, honest self-evaluation, and patience The goal is not simply to escape the bench. The goal is to become prepared enough mentally and physically to take advantage of the opportunity when it arrives. You want to enter the game thinking, "How can I help us win?"
Not, "How can I avoid getting sent back to the bench?" Those are two completely different mindsets. One is aggressive, free, and team-centered. The other is fearful, protective, and focused on survival. If you have continued filling your marble jar with preparation, confidence, learning, and service to your team, you are more likely to step onto the field with something positive to draw from.
That does not guarantee you will perform perfectly, and it doesn't guarantee that one opportunity will immediately change your role. It does mean you will be more prepared to compete as yourself instead of competing under the weight of weeks of negative [00:11:00] thinking. Being benched is hard. It can be uncomfortable, lonely, frustrating, and even embarrassing, especially when you've spent your entire life being one of the best players on the field.
You do not have to pretend otherwise. But where you are today also does not determine where you will be in the middle of the season and at the end of the season or at the end of your career. The bench can become a place where you lose confidence, disconnect from your team, and stop developing.
Or it could become a place where you study, prepare, grow, lead, and build the mindset necessary for your next opportunity. You may not be able to control today's lineup, but you can control how you practice, you can control how you communicate, you can control what you study, you can control the energy you bring to your teammates, you can control who speaks into your life, and you can control what you place into your mental marble jar.
So stay ready, keep improving, support your teammates [00:12:00] without surrendering your own ambition. And remember, the bench may describe where you are today, but it does not get to decide who you become next.
If you found value in today's episode, I'd love for you to subscribe, share it with another athlete, parent, or coach, and explore everything SLAPYOUniversity has to offer. Until next time, keep learning, keep competing, keep creating opportunities, and remember, your next level is waiting. I'm Coach India Chiles, and I'll see you on the next episode of the SLAPYOUniversity Podcast.
